When Do You Matter?

I was on the treadmill yesterday and I have to say, many of my greatest epiphanies come when I am on that little hamster wheel!  I have always been an exercise person, but I incorporated it as part of my “sadhana” or daily spiritual practice a few years ago after reading “The Universe Has Your Back” by Gabby Bernstein.  Shaking off old stuck energy is crucial for me in keeping my vibration high and my channels clear in order to do what I do to the best of my ability.  As I was reflecting how these simple practices have enhanced my life, it is crazy!  I remember about a year ago going to see my sister for a Reiki session and she had written down some messages to share with me from spirit.  She told me that I put so much into making sure I show up my best for others, but I don’t do the same for me.   It hit me on a very deep level that day and I cried.  I realized that no matter how long the line was in front of me, I always put myself last.

Every day I showed up for my routine of exercise, meditation, eating clean and healthy, was always on my “work” days.  The days I felt I had to be on my game for my family, my clients, my work!  The days I felt I was needed most.  I would so look forward to the Saturdays and Sundays that I could just let my hair down and relax.   It took me a while to see the pattern I was setting myself up for.  I told myself this was Balance!  It wasn’t for me.  I was top notch when I showed up for others, but there was no time set aside to prepare for showing up for me!

This past six months spirit has changed my life dramatically.  I no longer do what I call “Yo-Yo-ing” my vibration.  I try to keep it a steady stream.  I did this by recalibrating what I considered to be balance.  I wasn’t listening to the still small voice that was at the back of the line screaming, “wait, what about me”.  I was listening to all the voices that were showing up around me on social media, tv, etc that were screaming, “Keep Up”.

Here’s the thing, making time to show up for you is critical.  I committed to doing my routine every day.   Yup, everyday.  It has been life-changing!  Sometimes that means telling everybody around me to take a hike, but I have learned to not feel guilty about that.  You can only give what you have!  I was caught in a cycle of filling up my tank and then emptying it for others only to then try to muster up the energy to fill it again.  It was making me feel like a “hamster on a wheel”.   Pun intended, courtesy of spirit!

What I learned was this,  if I felt on my game from doing that routine, why did I view it as a chore?  I was conditioned to believe it was!  Why was it I only gave that energy to show up my best for others and not myself?  I now look forward to doing those things on my “days off” if you can call them that, because I’m showing up for the most important person in my life, me!  I used to think that was selfish, until my husband could see and feel the difference in my vibration.   He knew I was on a mission and when I would try to fall back into old habits, he’d say, “why don’t you go do your routine, you’ll feel better.”  Hint taken!  He knew that is what makes me feel good about me and when I feel good about me, the rest falls into place fairly effortlessly.   I am a better person to myself and to those around me.  Do I get tired still? YES, absolutely, but I don’t run on empty!  That cycle I was caught in has transformed into a cycle of circulating more energy to give to whatever I want to do, whether it be for myself, my family, or my clients.    With clarity and worth I make better decisions about where I place my energy!

Here are the keys to keeping a full tank.  First, It’s great to give to others, but make sure you have something to give first.  Don’t assume others should know what’s going on in your head or your life!  You must come first or you have nothing to give! Insert mic drop here!  Second, decondition the belief systems that taking care of you is selfish.  I remember as a kid watching my mom feed all of us first and by the time she sat down her dinner would have to be reheated and she rarely got to enjoy eating at the same time as her family.  She always put herself last.  See how easily we fall into the same trap?  This pattern will spill over into many other areas of your life if you allow it.  Finally, strip the belief that what you do for others in some way measures your worth.  Ahh this is the biggest culprit of empty tanks, especially to those who live in service of others.   My Dad used to have a saying, “the emptiest cans make the loudest noise”.  I realize this is true.  When you’re full, you’re happy, and well you have less of a need to complain about things because you are grateful about your relationship with time, energy, and others, not resentful.   Let me save you a few hundred hours of meditation with this little love nugget, you define your worth, nobody else!  Every time I forget that, I envision Tom Cruise singing “Bring back that old loving feeling” and remind myself to let that shit go!  That is not love at all.  Love starts within and radiates out of you.  The more you start putting yourself first, the more you fall in love with yourself and your life,  the more you radiate that vibe out into the world.  Showing up for yourself helps you to show up better for others!!   True Story! So next time a line forms in front of you demanding your time and energy, make sure your ticket says #1!

“The day I realized my place in my life was never meant to be last was the day that my life changed.” ~Julie Clapp


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