I woke up today, Sunday, normally one of my most peaceful days of the week..in a complete state of what I would call chaos…inner chaos and full of mind chatter. I realized in the past 2 days I had been so busy, racing the clock, trying to keep up with my “responsibilities” I had completely neglected my greatest responsibility…me! I am grateful that today I have the” where with all” to recognized when I am a complete “hot mess” and I have a “go to” home remedy to treat said “chaotic fever”. So if you feel like you’ve been having those days yourself lately..today is your lucky day.. because this nurse is in session and ready to share how I rediscovered my Grace amidst chaos.
Typically I start my days with a prayer from a course in miracles that goes like this, “God where would you have me go today, what would you have me do, what would you have me say, and to whom”. I then follow with a meditation to align with my highest self, but this weekend life got in the way. Very quickly I felt the grace inside me draining away…the clouds rolling in, the stories beginning to play in my mind, all the while my frustration level rising. Sound familiar? Guess what? Not only did take the ticket to ride that merry go round, I hopped on with a smile and went round and round for a full 48 hrs without asking to get off. At some point this morning, it clicked for me…that this is not how I roll anymore. Truth be told, there was a time when I considered that “normal” if you can call it that, but now it is so the opposite. Watching my grace slowly drain out of me at my own hands was like cutting a whole in the bottom of my own ship and watching it go down with me in it, true story! I had realized I hadn’t done my “normal” routine of prayer and meditation in two days, hence why I had lost touch with how I wanted to show up in my life. So I grabbed my life vest, went to my meditation corner, turned on my music, and this is what flowed thru me…”God help me to gracefully compliment our state of being just as we are today and always”. Feel free to recite repeatedly when in said state of “chaotic fever” aka hot mess.
I realized as I was showing up for what was happening in my life, not only was I not responding with Grace, I was responding with complete frustration. It wasn’t until I quieted the noise in my head that I could see that clearly. Maybe I couldn’t control the things that were happening, but I could control how I responded to them. It was like all of a sudden I could here a rendition of Britney Spears “Oops I did it again” playing in my head. Yes my guides have quite the sense of humor when teaching me lessons for the millionth time. Their way of reminding me “Jules you know better”, no doubt. So here’s how they elaborated. To compliment others is innate in us, but we can easily lose sight of our ability to do so. By compliment, spirit doesn’t mean to give someone your approval of their outside appearance or behavior, aka “Jenny your hair is so on point today girl” lol, no, no, no they mean to compliment their state of being. When you are in the presence of someone who is weighted down, compliment their state of being by showing up in your lightheartedness; when someone is sad, show up in your joy; when someone is angry, show up in your peace, and when someone is frustrated, show up in your grace. I needed to sit and reflect on how I had done just the opposite so that I could continue to learn and grow from this experience (insert cough and “shit show” instead of experience here) as best I could. Years ago I built walls to protect myself from feeling uncomfortable emotions. As if I could protect myself from feeling pain. Like Dorothy, I’d click my heels 3 times and recite, “There’s no place like home”. Didn’t work out so well. So for the last few years I have worked very hard to deconstruct those walls in an attempt to be more compassionate. John Holland says, “the price of sensitivity is sensitivity”..well isn’t that an understatement?!! So as I became more sensitive I started to feel like an energetic version of Spongebob who started to take on all the burdens and emotions around me. Essentially, what that did was turn me into a crabby patty, literally I would end up just joining the pity party. But here’s where I stand today. We don’t have to do either of the two. When we make aligning with the grace inside us, our priority, we have no need to protect ourselves from anything or anyone in our lives. Sometimes I’m going to be a hot mess and sometimes you are. That is OKAY!! It is not our job to validate each other to make each other feel better, nor is it our job to fix each other’s lives. Validation has never healed anyone, it is when we release the need to be validated that healing occurs. say that a few times and really let it sink in…it’s powerfully true. Honestly, if someone had validated me today, I would’ve just stayed on the merry go round a little longer, I mean my ego was in ego heaven after all! And there really wasn’t anything for anyone to fix. What I needed was someone to compliment me and someone did. That person was my Mom. She complimented me. She didn’t tell me I was wonderful, or beautiful, or right, she didn’t validate my feelings or my behavior, and she didn’t try to fix anything. She just sat and listened to me spout off like a fountain. She sat with a smile, she sat in her grace, she sat in her own state of peace, and she simply asked me to pray with her. So get this..someone who was clearly not on the receiving end of my grace today…showed up in her grace for me anyway! Miraculous I tell ya!! Her grace led me to my meditation chair, which led me to my heart, to my light, to my grace, and to here. So here is the take away…If you are a hot mess, that’s okay! Allow yourself to feel the discomfort and when you are done with it, get off of the merry go round and do something that helps you rediscover the grace within you. If someone else is a hot mess, just allow them to be a hot mess, and just show up and let the grace within you compliment them and lead them to rediscover the grace within themselves. So I’ll leave you with these beautiful wise words of Billy Graham, “The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you”.