The Humpty Dumpty Syndrome

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Ever feel like Humpty Dumpty in that you just can’t seem to keep it together?  Well I am here to tell you that you’re not alone.  Breaking news…we are all human! Even though some of us might spend our days racking our brains trying to figure out this crazy life…maybe we just aren’t supposed to have it “all” figured out!!  I mean I’m all for the whole “glowworm” ray of sunshine attitude, but let’s face it we all have our “hot mess” kind of days!  The story of our lives, right!  Fall apart, learn to put pieces back together, relish in the joy of triumph, repeat process!  Sounds like a pattern to me?!  This is what I like to call the Humpty Dumpty Syndrome.  No I am not a hypochondriac nor am I a scientific genious; however this is definitely an epidemic among us humans!

So I want you to take a moment to think of who you were ten years ago.  Now take a moment to acknowledge who you are now.  My bet is you would acknowledge that you’ve learned a great deal of lessons, which, have actually shaped who you’ve become.  I’m also willing to bet some of those lessons brought you to your knees!  Now I want you to think of your goals and aspirations, and who you envision yourself to be ten years from now.  The fact of the matter is although we can, to a certain degree, shape our reality by what we send out to the universe, we cannot predict the lessons that we will face along the way.  When you think of your greatest lessons, your greatest hardships, do you correlate them to other human beings?  Whether you perceive these events as positive or negative, the end result was a lesson, no?  Let’s break it down a litttle further.  So as you know I am the youngest of nine siblings.  Yes I said nine!  Anywho, imagine growing up with one bathroom!  Think there was a lot of glowworms in the morning, ummm no!! LOL Anyway, when I think of some of my greatest lessons, and who taught them to me, most of them are the people closest to me, uhum cue the brothers and sisters!  Good, bad, or downright ugly, they gave em to me!  They tell it like it is.  They are my biggest chearleaders and they are also the ones that knock my butt off that wall when I need it!  And guess what, they are also the ones who help me back on my feet and teach me how to put my pieces back together again.  Gorilla glue and all!  So ya see, we all fall, we all get back up at our own pace, and we all learn how to put our pieces back together!  And when you do,  guess what?…this is the best part…wait for it…you’ve become an even stronger, more beautiful version of yourself.  Ta da…lol  Why? Because you’ve healed yourself from the inside out!!  Who better to make you the most beautiful version of yourself than those closest to you!  They see you at your worst and they see you at your best.  So next time you’re upset with someone close to you for making you feel…well let’s just say, less than perfect…try to see if there’s a lesson in there for ya..I’m guessing so!

Here’s the thing about life…I love to talk about it and share my thoughts on it, my lessons..but the bottom line is we’re all just figuring it out together.  And by the time we are done “figuring it out”  our time here in this world will more than likely be over.  We will have gotten what our souls came here for.  The way I look at it is, if a puzzle came all put together, looking all pretty, wouldn’t that defeat the point in the first place?  Kind of takes all the fun out of it right?  Well that’s how I look at life… it’s just one big puzzle.  Each twist and turn, each time we end up on our knees and learn to get back up, each heartache, each challenge we overcome, we are fitting another piece of our puzzle together.  And when that puzzle is complete, I’m certain it will be absolutely Be~You~Tiful!!!  So next time you are feeling like Humpty Dumpty and need a little gorilla glue, know that you are not alone!!!  In the words of one of my favorite beautiful women..”For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone”. ~Audrey Hepburn

What’s Love Got to Do With It?

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In the past week I have learned so much about life, love, and the pursuit of happiness.  As many of you know my Dad has been fighting ALS (Lou Gherig’s Disease) for 3 years.  This week his condition declined considerably.  It made me contemplate so much about life and mortality, even more so than I ever did in my last 15 years as a nurse.   The many questions that ran through my head, why? what’s to gain? what’s to learn?  What am I supposed to feel?  What am I supposed to do?  All of which I realized the answer to lies deep within, within our hearts, within our souls and they all start with LOVE.

I am one of nine children as I have written before.   All with different ways, different personalities, but all made from the same two people, my mom and Dad.  Two people who fell in love and created a family of nine children, and 28 grand and great grand children!  Watching my Dad’s illness progress has been one of the most difficult, challenging, and humbling experiences of our lives.  Faced with the reality of our father’s mortality.. we all came together.  We held hands.  We prayed.  We put any and all differences, obligations and responsibilities aside.  Solely for the purpose of being with our father.  Just being!  We reminisced about childhood memories.  We laughed.  We cried.  We looked through old pictures.  Time stopped.  Our chaotic lives went on hold…and somehow there was time.   Time for all of it.  Time for LOVE!  It was as though nothing else in the world mattered, because ya know what…it didn’t!!

My Dad would sleep, and then he would awaken.  Each time with something amazingly enlightening to say to the one that would sit in front of him.  A story, a simple phrase, a joke.  It didn’t matter.  We soaked it in like a sponge.  It brought forth the reality that as we get older obligations and responsibilities seem to take presidence of our time.  But in turn those obligations and responsibilities become our struggles, our triumphs, our stories.   My Dad has years of wisdom and stories to share and in his words…he’s not done sharing quite yet.   We realize this process, although we want to be present and selfishly insert ourselves into it..is really between him and God.  We are on a need to know basis in regards to our exits from this world we know.  Knowing is apparently overrated.  We would ask each other, ask the hospice nurse, ask anyone..what do you think?  Perhaps an unconscious effort to allow time for emotional preparation.  A preparation that we know deep down would never really happen!  Why?  Because when you have a love so deep for someone goodbye is impossible to prepare for.  You say everything that you think you need to say, but you can never say “I love you”  enough!!  I have learned from this process the why…because physical death is a part of life and in turn causes us to dig deep.  Deep into what we believe in, in that which can sooth our soul.  For me, I find solace in knowing that the soul is everlasting. We don’t die, our existence simply becomes different. 

So what’s to gain in all this?…memories, fulfillment, wisdom, and ultimately the realization of the Powers of LOVE.  I have learned there is no right way to feel, no right thing to do.  Their is no proper way to prepare or to recover from loss.  As a medium, spirit reminds me everyday they just want us to be happy.  Even if it is without them being physically present.  So today, I thought about all the wisdom my Dad has shared with me over the years.  I thought about what I could do to honor him and his spirit while he is still here.  Do you know what he would want.  He would want me to live!! Live intently, lovingly, triumphantly, and timelessly!!!   So my message in all of this for you, is take time, time today, time tomorrow, and time the day after that.  Take time out of what you think you “have” to do, to do something you “need” to do..show someone how much you love them and honor them as a part of your life, your heart and your existence.  In the end, that’s what is going to count.  It’s that love that our souls forever carry! There is a saying from Rick Warren that goes something like this…”The best use of life is love, The best expression of love is time, the best time to love is now!”

 

It’s not about what you see, it’s about what you believe!

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Just recently I sat down and read the book, “Heaven is for Real”.  I was so intrigued by this family’s story I read it in 3 hours cover to cover.  I couldn’t wait to see the movie although I had already created images in my mind of their story.  For those of you that aren’t aware the book is about a little boy that has emergent surgery and, although his heart never stopped beating, he vividly describes an experience of traveling to heaven!  Meeting loved ones not only that he never met, but didn’t even know about.  Describing angels and even Jesus without hesitation!  The father is actually the author and is also a minister at their community church.  You can imagine the resistance he received not only in his own mind, but from his parish members when he finally shared his son’s story.  The inspiring part is that he took that resistance and he transformed it into inspiration, faith, and true belief!  As a medium, people ask me curiously all the time..have you seen heaven…have you met Jesus…what is it like?  I’m going to put myself out on a ledge a bit here, rely on my faith and share with you the most intimate details of what I see as a medium! 

It took me years to finally openly share that I am a medium, never the less share the details of what spirit shows me.  It’s just so much easier to tell people I’m a nurse!  But why?  What is it we as a culture and society are afraid of hearing, afraid of seeing, afraid of believing?  I’ve said it so many times, there is no faith in fear..(thank you Pat Longo for that one!).  I read a saying once, if you are worrying all the time, then you have no faith that god is going to get it right!  Let’s not worry so much about others accepting us, and work on accepting others!  After all acceptance in its simplest form is unconditional love.  And speaking of heaven..that’s exactly where we will begin!

So for those of you that have read my blog from the beginning know my story of how I realized I was a medium and how spirit communicates with me.  Even in my speech before I do every reading I explain to people when I appear that I am looking at the floor or the wall, I’m actually looking “there”.  Where is “there”? That place I take myself to that allows spirit to show me things, tell me things.  Let’s start from the beginning.  I used to meditate before I did every single reading, it was like I had to in order for me to feel connected!  So what would I see when I meditate…I’m gonna walk you thru!  I see a house…a big white house with a white picket fence and a walkway lined with flowers.   As I walk up that walk to the door I look back sometimes I see whomever is waiting for the reading on the other side of the fence, sometimes I see my family, but they don’t come with me.  Here’s the thing, I don’t see things thru my own eyes..I actually see myself like I am watching myself in a movie.  Don’t ask me how, cuz I don’t know, it just happens! So I open the door of the house and there is a big grand wooden staircase.  Now I used to slowly walk up the stairs, now it’s like I’m on an escalator to the top, LOL!! The light that shines on that staircase is so bright you can actually see the dust particles that would float amidst it!  Can you see it?  As I get to the top of the staircase there are 2 doors.  The door to the right is the door to my guides.  I always go there first.  I never know what is going to happen when I open that door.  As my gift has evolved, I have experienced new things there.  So the first time I opened that door there was a man sitting in the chair with a white coat on.  He has dark hair and sea blue eyes,  He is my spirit guide and now my best friend.  He has been the same man since day 1!  He gave me the song, “a thousand years”  and I have meditated to that song ever since!  I also have another guide who never really speaks but he is also in the room.  He is an indian chief.  And others that have entered along my journey the last 3 years as well.  They all have a different purpose as to what they help me with!  So I kneel in front of my guide, we talk about what I need from him and he gives me hints about new things may be coming my way, or insight to what I am currently dealing with in my life. After our talk, I would lay down on a bench that would turn into water and I would be emersed in it.  The amazing thing is I could always breath under the water and I was never afraid!  I always had dreams of the same as a child.  I was swimming under water but could always breath!  This would happen to me everytime I meditated!  It was what I perceive as a baptism of sorts!  Once I have done this I am helped out of the water by my angels, lots of them!  They walk me to the other side of this room where there is this bright white light like you have never seen!!  This is where I pray! This is where I see Jesus and the blessed mother…always!  Now here’s the thing…I don’t believe I am seeing them cuz I am special or because of my medium abilities.  I believe that we can all see them, if we so choose!  You know that song, just call my name and I’ll be there!  Just like that!  They are my strength and foundation, they keep me grounded!  They let me know my lessons, they bring me peace when I need it, they extend a hand to me when I need it.  If your strength is Buddha, then you shall see Buddha! The blessed mother always has children with her.  After a while, one day when I kneeled in front of them to pray, they gave me wings!! I know now your like, ok she lost me!! LOL No really, they gave me wings!!  But these wings are a symbol for me!  When my wings are small and folded downward onto myself, I have learned they are telling me its a time to humble myself!!  When my wings are large and spread open wide, they are telling me to soar!   When my wings are engaged, they are telling me I have an upward climb to prepare for and I need to stay focused!  Pretty amazing right! So once I am done with praying I walk out of this room and across the hall to another door.  This is my waiting room! So my waiting room is full of spirits, your loved ones!!  Young and old.  It has lots!!!  Just waiting for their opportunity to speak.  I used to always be afraid my waiting room would be empty.  What if there is nobody that wants to speak to this person in front of me?  Ummm, nope, there is always someone there, for everyone!!!!   My guides and my angels come with me into this room.  They help me keep clarity and organization.  So once and only once they cleared a path for me to go to the back of this room.  There was a door where I could see them coming in and leaving thru.  My guides brought me thru this door just once.  On the other side was this beautiful huge coliseum  like room.  Grand balconies all different levels all with doors.  A ceiling so beauiful like a mosaic you would see in a church. Are you envisioning it?  All I could see were spirits or people going in and out of the doors.  I’ve only been there once.  I think they were giving me a glimpse! A glimpse of the seven levels of heaven.  That is a story in itself, but there is a book called Many Lives Many Masters that goes into the 7 levels of heaven if you want to learn more.  All my spirits meet on level 2 in order to be able to communicate with me, another thing I learned from Pat Longo!  This ensures I do not leave myself vulnerable to any negative energy.  I do believe darkness is attracted to light and I do believe I have seen it.  I also believe that no lightwork comes without sacrifice and risk.  Mediums, good mediums, do lots of work behind the scenes to be able to provide you with this experience.  We have to keep ourselves grounded, keep our energy vibrations up, and most importantly protect ourselves.  Remember you can’t give others what you don’t have!  A good medium is responsible with their practice, we just do it behind the scenes!  Most of these practices involve visualization for me.  Seeing is believing for all of us visiual folks, but faith is believing even when you can’t see!  Your mind, your body, and your soul are powerful in and of themselves, but when you take the opportunity to synchronize them, you will be amazed at what happens!

So everytime I meditate what I see changes and evolves ever so slightly.  What I see and experience now is so different from what I experienced 3 short years ago.  Why?  Because spiritually I have grown and evolved.  Thats what it’s all about.  Much like that little boy’s story, when I see spirit they too will show me a younger, vibrant version of themselves than they were known in life.  I’m not sure why, I guess I always assumed in heaven you get to be as beautiful on the outside as you are on the inside! I got goosebumps when he told his Dad that same thing!  So in response to all those questions, have I seen heaven?..a glimpse perhaps, but not what I believe my heaven will be!  I have seen that meeting place so to speak, but not what’s behind those doors!  I think I’ve seen the path, but not the palace. As far as Jesus and Mary, well as I said before we can all see them, walk with them, anytime we want.   What is it like?  It’s like that warm blanket I always talk about.  It’s that moment you held your baby for the first time!  It’s that kiss on your wedding day! Its that unconditional love…that’s heaven!  I can’t tell you why I see the things I see, I can’t tell you how, but I can tell you with certainty I wholeheartedly have faith in it!  There is no reason to fear, to ask, to discover, after all there is far more to be gained in seeking knowledge than there is to lose!  Billy Graham said, “Heaven is full of answers to prayers for which no one ever bothered to ask”….I wish you the courage, the strength, and the will to ASK!!!!

Count your blessings!

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There is an old saying that some people come into your life as a blessing and some people come into your life as a lesson.  Well I’d have to say I believe that they are one in the same.  Aren’t all of our lessons blessings?  If we choose to look at it that way I guess!  So this blog is dedicated to my biggest lessons aka blessings in my life….my family!  Hollaaa!! I know they have been waiting for this one.  I don’t think it will be any surprise to any of them, as I have told them all what they bring to my life; however, acknowledgement of those you love can never be done enough!  Let’s start at the top with my oldest brother Jack aka John aka Jackson aka Jake…ok you get the hint we love nicknames lol!!  Jack is the epitomy of what an older brother should be.  He is my wisdom, my protector, my second Dad, my “lead by example” kind of guy.   He always has a funny joke and a word of wisdom, or two, when I see him.  He’s not much for being the center of attention, but let me tell you he is not without presence!!  This guy is worldly!  The stories of the places he has traveled and the adventures he’s been on are capturing and boundless.  My blessing…live life to the fullest!  My lesson…don’t sweat the small stuff, or any stuff for that matter!!

Next…my sister Bernadette aka Bernie aka Bern aka smurph! So the oldest of seven girls…nuff said!  LOL My Dad gave us all engraved necklaces last year for Christmas, hers said leader!  Talk about pressure right!  So growing up Bern was like my second mother!  I was like a sponge absorbing everything she said and did.  I watched her as she would put out fires, host family events, take care of her family, tie a bow on it and make it look seamlessly beautiful and without effort!  What I realized as I got older is it’s not without effort.  It’s with great effort!  My blessing…give your heart and soul to whatever you choose to be regardless of what others may think…my lesson…time is love, it is important to take time to love yourself just as much as you love others, for a full tank always has something to give!

Ahhh Mary, aka mar, aka mars.  This is the sister you don’t want to mess with!  She is this petite, beautiful, ball of fire!!  She is full of passion for everything in life!   She has endured her fair share of challenges in life, but let me tell you, you would never know!  There’s this boundless strength, creativity, and vision within her that sometimes she doesn’t even see!  My blessing…never give up on that undying search for your fairytale life…my lesson…always stay loyal and true to who you are and what you believe in while amidst that search!!

Denise, aka, niecy, aka gilmartin!  Without a doubt she is the family comedian, but she is also the rainbow amidst our storms.  The problem solving go to girl who always has a word of advice, encouragement and something to make you smile just when you need it!  She’s just like the song…Just call my naaaame and I’ll be there!  My blessing…there is nothing wrong with rose colored glasses, in fact they make the world a bit brigher…my lesson…there is always a silver lining you just need to look for it…always look for it, no matter how hard it might be to find!!!

Veronica, aka ron, aka ronica.  The hostess with the mostest, thoughtful and caring sister.  Her husband Rob gave me an analogy of their life that suits them so perfectly, it stuck.  They are like a rolling rock down a river bed.  As it journeys down the river it’s edges become smooth and beautiful, all the while solidifying its core. My blessing…take time to have fun with the people you love, they are your core…my lesson…true success is not determined by material possessions, but by how much you love your life and live it to the fullest!!

Patricia, aka pat, aka pumpelina.  She is the giver, of her heart and soul.  Her eyes are the mirror of her soul and she is the girl that can look right into yours!  Her music brings tears to your eyes and is without a doubt one of her greatest gifts in this life!  My blessing…its ok to let people see your softer side…we all have one!.. My lesson…remember that everyone you encounter has a story, ask them about it, allow yourself to step inside it even, see what you can learn from it!

Eileen, aka leen, aka beans.  She is the whistle while you work, hook up my plow and i’ll get rid of the snow girl.  She and her husband Dan are two peas in a pod. They are a couple of the most grounded people I know.  There is no need for grey when everything can be white!  My blessing…if you find yourself amidst chaos take a moment to pause and enjoy it, it just may become one of your fondest memories some day…my lesson..with the proper footing obstacles become challenges that you can learn how to overcome!

Tom, aka, tommy, aka the boss.  More like rocky than tommy gunn, he’s the fighter you want in your corner when they ring that bell, but at his center he’s all heart!  My blessing…stick by those who stick by you, for they, one day, will be your glue!..My lesson…Keep it on your own mat, challenge yourself more than you challenge others the reward is far greater!

My parents, Ron and Bob, aka nana and Papa.  Next to God, they are my foundation.  Sky’s the limit.  My blessing…your family is your core, they are in your life for a reason, find that reason!  My lesson…there is one in every minute of every day… reach out and grab it, it’s never too late!!!

Last, but not least is my husband Derek, aka Deke, aka George, aka Belush.  Ahhh, my highschool sweetheart.  He’s the one that takes away my grey and shows me the black and white.  He is the zoom on my lens that makes everything that much clearer.  He is my heart and soul along with my children!!!  My blessing…together we are an amazing force that can achieve anything…my lesson…do unto others as you would have done unto you…its that simple…its that simple!!!

Sometimes things are so simple in life we miss them! Take a look around you, at the people that surround you. What do they bring to you, teach you, how do they make you feel? What do they inspire within you? “The book of life is filled with incoherent riddles. Play with Life, laugh with life, dance lightly with life, and smile at the riddles of life, knowing that life’s only true lessons, are writ small in the margin.” ~Johnathan Lockwood Huie

What Do You Stand For?

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Well we’ve all seen the movie Jerry Maguire right? ..But do we know what that manifesto actually said that got him fired and ultimately led him down that road of self discovery?  Let me remind you what it said,  “What do I stand for?  I was lost for an answer.  At 14 I wasn’t  lost for an answer.  At 18 I wasn’t lost for an answer.  At 35 I was blown away that I had no answer!”  So you see, just when we think we have it all figured out we realize, there is so much more for us to learn!  About a year ago I kept hearing that song on the radio called “Most Nights”  catch phrase, “What do I stand for?”.  It seemed like everytime I turned on the radio there it was!  ahhhh!!!  Finally, I thought to myself, maybe I should really listen to the words and see if they have meaning, AKA a message within the message oh wise yoda!! LOL  This came at a time in my life when I realized what I believed, what I stood for, was being challenged by some of the people closest to me, people that I assumed would accept me no matter what.  This was something I had yet to be challenged with in my life.   It made me pause temporarily to ask myself, what is my foundation, what is it that I believe, that I stand for, and is it strong enough to withstand the huffs and puffs of the big bad wolfe? 

Ya know that lovely saying, you can’t give something you don’t have?!  This challenging of my beliefs, so to speak, in my new found mediumship career was exactly what brought me to that place of figuring out what I stood for!  So what did I do…  I prayed to God!  Yup, the one I believed was my foundation!!!  Please let me know if what I’m building on is true, is real, is the road I’m meant to go down?  Questions we’ve all more than likely asked our higher power at one point right?  I needed to know that if I was meant to give unto others and share this gift of mediumship, that what I believed to be true, was, in fact, true!!  I dug deep.  I did lots of soul searching, researching, and when I went to Church I looked for meaning in every reading that I could apply to my own life lessons.  I took 6 months away from doing readings.  I started writing, automatic writing.  Writing words that flowed out of my heart and soul that I hoped would touch just one person.  Then one day it was like someone flicked a switch.  I knew I was supposed to go back to reading people.  Connecting them with their loved ones in heaven.  Really? I thought, what if it will be like starting all over, it’s been so long, how is it going to go?  So I set up a reading and just like that, there they were!  Spirit that is!! They were there, ready, and waiting to give their messages.  They were just waiting for me!  I will never forget that reading.  It was one of the most heartwarming readings I had done, it was clear, concise, and nearly effortless as a medium!  Spirit did all the work, all I had to do was relay what they were saying!  Talk about a warm blanket!  And there was my answer!  So ya see, my foundation was challenged with a purpose in mind for me!!!  Those people that challenged my beliefs were part of such an enormous lesson for me!  I learned that its ok to take a time out and take time for me.  It’s ok to be challenged, and it’s ok to go back to my foundation and give it a little maintenance.  Every foundation takes constant building and maintenance no matter how strong it may be.  And every soul needs constant reminders of what that foundation is!  It’s what keeps us humble!!!

Last week I had a dream of one of my uncles that had passed.  With certainty I knew it was a visit from heaven!  A little heeeeyyy!  So a couple of days later I hear a song playing on the radio, a very old song that is rarely played and just so happens to be the same song that reminds me of this uncle!  So now I say, “Ok, I get it there is something you have to say!”  When I get home that day,to my surprise, my cousin,( his daughter) is visiting from out of state.  I tell his wife, my aunt, the story.  She says, “well I talk to him everyday and I told him he needed to get in touch with you, I haven’t heard from him in a while”.  Oh ok!  Then I start to tell my cousin,  who says “if you have a message for me I might fall off this chair”!  She proceeds to tell me she prayed to God that if she arrived at my house and I had a message from spirit for her she would know that it’s all real!!  Well that’s what I’m talking about!!! A little confirmation and a little foundation maintenance!!  Ask…Believe…Receive!!!!

Earlier that same day I was working at Divinity.  An older gentleman comes in without an appointment, says he was driving by.  Says he went to a fortune teller years ago and has never quite found anybody as good since.  I see something in this man’s eyes that tell me I’m supposed to sit with him.  I tell him a have a few minutes if he would like.  So he comes in and starts talking, one thing about going to a medium,  we like a clean slate.  The less we know the better for us!  It was hard for me to get a word in edge wise, but I finally get to tell him that his wife has been standing behind him since he walked in!  He says no, nope, not my wife, she wouldn’t be with me!  But she is sir, and she has a message for you and she has another woman with her. No, nope, he insists!  So I politely say, sir I can only tell you what I see and what they have to say.  It is up to you what you do with that information, it’s not for me question it.   It’s not about what you want it’s about what you may need! No, nope and he continues to talk.   Now I soon realize that this man is not really looking for a reading.  He starts to tell me about the tragedies he has endured and starts asking me about life and death and heaven.  So I spent the next few minutes explaining to him what I know based on what I see.  What I believe about heaven.  At the end I tell him no charge.  He insists, thanks me, shakes my hand, and proceeds to tell me his “ex-wife”, who passed years ago had left him because he worked too much!  He always wondered if she loved him!  He also tells me his daughter passed just a short 6 months ago and wondered if they were together!  “I’ll be back”  he says!  I truly believe this 80 year old man ended up on my doorstep for 2 reasons.  First, his wife and daughter wanted to let him know that they do love him and are still with him in spirit.. and second, they knew his foundation needed a little maintenance.  So even at 80 years old the strongest of foundations can start to show some cracks, chips, and flaws that might need a little TLC!!

My highschool yearbook quote was Henry David Thoreau, “If you have built castles in the sky, your work need not be lost.  That is where they should be!  Now put the foundations under them!”  Who knew 20 years later I would be writing about how to do just that! So my message to you from spirit today is to dig deep, go back to your foundation, give it some TLC, and ask yourself, what it is you stand for?  As Dickie Fox says at the end of Jerry Maguire, “Hey I don’t have all the answers, but I’ll tell you this, in life, I’ve failed just as much as I’ve succeeded, but I love my life, and I wish you my kind of success!!” xoxo

The Story of My Life

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As I was meditating this morning, I felt my grandmother place her soft hand on my cheek as she always does when she comes to me.  She tells me she has a message for my Dad today.  She gives me a song…The Story of My Life..no, not the one direction version that’s at the top of the charts right now, although I am a fan!  She tells me its an older version and its by Neil Diamond.  So I go searching thru iTunes to find the song and I play it for my Mom and Dad.  It was as though time had stopped.  We sat in silence, in the moment, listening for the message within the message….Your life is a story, you hold the pen, you write each chapter and you write the end.  There is no time like the present to acknowledge all the people in your life that have helped you to create your story.  After all, they will be the ones to share that legacy when we are gone right! 

Now your all saying, say what? What do you mean I write my story? Would I choose to work 60 hours a week and have to pay a mortgage, car payment, naaahh, I’d be sitting on the beach with a pina colada!   MMMMM, nope I’m here to tell you that’s not the case.  Guess what you picked elements of your story before you even came into this world.  Your soul decided what it needed to grow and learn spiritually.  The challenges and the obstacles you face in this lifetime are exactly what provide you with that growth!  So I’m thinking the pina colada, although temporarily enjoyable, might not quite do the same thing, lol.  

So those of you that have read my blogs, know how my journey began.  I have been a nurse for 15 years and now I am able to say I have been a medium for 3.  It took a long time before I got comfortable enough for those words to come out of my mouth!  I always equated who I was with my nursing career.  It was my identity, so to speak.  Being a medium has taught me I’m actually not just a nurse.  I’m a soul, a soul who came into this world knowing that my journey, my story, involved helping people.   I was drawn to nursing for reasons I didn’t even know at the time. I thought…well, it’s a stable profession, one that will provide for my family, and it will fulfill and challenge me.  Well that was an understatement.  Nursing was by far one of my largest challenges in life.  In the early stages of my career, my mindset went something like this….”oh god what did I get myself into”!!  And I spent years changing my job, my hours, looking for contentment with my career and trying to lessen my anxiety about the choice I had made.  Guess what, I never found it until I realized I was a medium.  It was like a big piece of the puzzle was missing that finally fell into place.  That ahhaaaa moment, when your soul says, oh I get it, this is why I needed to be a nurse to get to where I am today.  I realize now what an integral part nursing was in fulfilling my life’s journey.  I was always one of those shy, distrusting, keep to my self kind of children.  An introvert so to speak.  Nursing was what cracked my shell.  It brought me back to the basics of humanity.  I learned how to be comfortable with people in the most uncomfortable of situations.  I watched souls as they slipped out of this world and learned how to console someone left behind.  I learned how to be human, and how to show love and compassion in the most difficult situations.   Remember that saying, you can’t give what you don’t have?!  So ya see, if I had known I was a medium all those years ago, I probably would not have been a successful one, because I wouldn’t have had the knowledge or the comfort to deliver such meaningful and deep messages to people.  It would have been something like this, your grandmother is here and she says hi, and oh how do you connect with the number 2.  Yeah, I dunno I don’t think that’s gonna reach anyone!  It took years of nursing for me to see the fragility of physical life…to acknowledge the tragedy, the pain, and the suffering.  That has allowed me the compassion to feel the emotion surrounding loss and applying it as a medium to bring healing to people.  So spirit makes me feel the emotions surrounded to their life, their journey, their loss of physical life, and helps me to deliver their message in a meaningful way, a way that will touch the soul of their loved one sitting in front of me.  So although nursing was a struggle for me for a long time, I now see it was a necessary part of my journey to get me to where I am today.  Cue Divinity.  Divinity as most of you know is my peaceful place.  It’s my newly opened business where I do my readings and share all my favorite spiritual things with the world.  When I opened the doors of Divinity 3 weeks ago, my mindset was something like this..”I get it now”.  It was that feeling of knowing I was exactly where I was supposed to be.  Like my soul remembered, ahhh this is how I’m supposed to help people now, this is part of my story!  So my message to you today…challenge your soul to remember its purpose!  Think about your story, your legacy.  Make it something you would want to inspire others with. If it means working 60 hours a week, so be it! I want to be the soul who crawls to those pearly gates knowing I exhausted every ounce of what I was given. I’ll leave you with the wise words of Erma Bombeck…”When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, I used everything you gave me”.